Jokes

[imtwenty]

Got any good ones?

[zAkAtAk]

women's rights

[Joey]

Three kids go to their mom.
The first one says "why did you name me Rose?"
The mother replies"when you were born a rose fell on your head"
The second goes"Why did you name me lilly?"
The mother says "Because when you were born a lilly fell on your head"
The last one goes "DUHHHHHH"
The mom shouts "SHUT UP CINDERBLOCK!"

[imtwenty]

So a group is going sky diving. The instructor asks if anyone has any questions.

One guy asked, "If our chute doesn't open, and the reserve doesn't open, how long do we have until we hit the ground?"

The instructor looked at him and in perfect deadpan and answered, "The rest of your life."

[Benyamin]

A man on a tourist boat falls into the water without anyone noticing.
luckily he's a good swimmer.
then a cargo boat comes by and the captain asks, "Do you need help?" and the man replies "No, God will save me."

An hour later, a tugboat comes by and the captain asks "Do you need help?" and the man replies, "No, God will save me."

An hour later, a Cruise ship comes by and the captain asks "Do you need help?" and the man replies, "No, God will save me."
An hour later, the man gets exhausted and drowns.
When he gets to heaven, he asks God "Why didn't you save me?"
and God replies "I sent three Frickin boats!"

[ninjaearl]

A black guy, a white guy, the president of the United States of America, and a U.S. congressman walk into a bar. Same guy.

[Ryan]

Two drunk men walk into a bar, its strange that the second didn't duck.

Two dyslexic men walk into a bra.

Two blonds walk into a walmart, it's amazing that neither one saw it.

WARNING (Math joke, you might not get it) A mathematician is going to propose to his girlfriend. When he opens the box, his girlfriend gets really angry, slaps him and walks out. Inside the box is a slip of paper with the following written on it: (R,+,∙)

[imtwenty]

Apr 8, 2010 22:11:13 GMT -5 ninjaearl said:

A black guy, a white guy, the president of the United States of America, and a U.S. congressman walk into a bar. Same guy.

Obama was a senator...

Unless you are talking about Clinton. Clinton was a governor.

[UnfairBear]

What's the difference between an elephant and a banana? One's yellow, one's not.

Why is an elephant big and grey and wrinkly? Because if it was small and white and smooth, it would be an aspirin.

What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming over the hill? "Look! The elephants are coming over the hill!"

What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming over the hill wearing sunglasses? Nothing, he didn't recognise them.

What did Jane say when she saw the elephants coming over the hill? "Look! The bananas are coming oer the hill!". She was colorblind.

How do you fit 4 elephants in a Mini? Two in the front, two in the back.

How do you fit an elephant in a fridge? Open the door, put it in, close the door.

How do you fit two elephants in a fridge? Open the door, but the fist one in, put the other one in, close the door.

How do you fit 8 elephants in a fridge? Put four in one Mini, four in a another mini, and put them in the fridge, because if you can fit 2 elephants in a fridge, you can fit 2 Minis in a fridge.

[lydia]

What does a mule open doors with? Donkeys!

[Ryan]

How do you put an elephant in a fridge? Open the door, put it in, close the door.



How do you put a giraffe in the fridge? Open the door, take the elephant out, put the giraffe in, close the door.



The king lion holds a meeting for all of the animals in the jungle. Which animal does not show up? The giraffe, he's in the fridge.


You're trying to cross a river that is the home of a large population of alligators, how do you cross safely without getting eaten? Swim - all the alligators are at the lion's meeting.

[zAkAtAk]

oh wow.....

[UnfairBear]

Where are there no Tylenol in the jungle? Cause the Paracetamol.

What do you call cheese that's not yours? Nacho Cheese.

What do you call a nosey pepper? Jalapeno Business.

[newschooled]

What's green, fuzzy, has 4 legs, and if it falls out of a tree it will kill you? A pool table.

If you're floating down the teeth in a cement canoe and your pickles fall off, how many pancakes does it take to shingle a doghouse? None, pancakes don't have feet!

[helenwk]

What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo?
A pouch potato!

How does a camel hide?
With camelflage!

I love jokes that are punny.

[Joey]

What's helen keller's favorite color?
VELCRO!

How do helen keller's parents punish her?
By removing the doorknobs and rearrangeing the furniture!

NOTE: I, in no way, have any disrespect for Helen Keller. It is purely a joke. I think she was an amazing woman. If someone is offended please tell me and I will take it off.

[Ryan]

I am so utterly offended by your use of someone's disability to further someone else's amusement, because no one has ever done that before and gotten away with it. Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to go watch Family Guy while you remove that terribly offensive joke from this thread.

[newschooled]

Apr 9, 2010 12:23:42 GMT -5 Joey said:

NOTE: I, in no way, have any disrespect for Helen Keller. It is purely a joke. I think she was an amazing woman. If someone is offended please tell me and I will take it off.

If I was an immoral person, I would say "Why did Helen Keller's dog run away? You would too if your name was NYAAAAAUUUUUGH"...But luckily we're all good peeps around here, so it's a good thing that kind of thing won't happen.

[zAkAtAk]

Apr 9, 2010 12:23:42 GMT -5 Joey said:

NOTE: I, in no way, have any disrespect for Helen Keller. It is purely a joke. I think she was an amazing woman. If someone is offended please tell me and I will take it off.

No she was dumb.

[Joey]

Okay guys calm down. I said that because I got banned from another forum where I posted that. I thought it would be okay but I wanted to make sure.