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Post by rialvestro on May 25, 2010 0:26:28 GMT -5
I'm not going to go into great detail about because it's very personal but the basic question is what are your thoughts on Friends with Benefits? If anyone doesn't know what that is, it's the practice of sexual acts between people who are JUST FRIENDS. No strings attached, no dating, just for the sake of physical pleasure. Now I'm not asking if you think this is right or wrong from a moral perspective but just from a personal perspective. Is it something you've done or considered doing? Have you tried it? If you have tried it would you do it again? For me, it's something I've been curious about and recently had experience with. It didn't go very far before I decided it couldn't happen again. I mean sex isn't just about physical pleasure, sure you might think that but there can be a level of emotion attached that you personally may or may not like if you're not serious with the other person. I don't really know if there's anything morally wrong with it unless one or both people is in a relationship with someone else. It is definitely something that is going to be different for everyone and as long as you're both willing and single there's nothing wrong with at least trying but if it makes one of you uncomfortable emotionally things won't get far before you figure that out. If you are going to attempt this for the first time and you're nervous about doing it with a friend it helps to talk before hand, work around each other's concerns and needs to make the other person as comfortable as possible. Make sure to assure each other that you'll still be friends when it's all over because a major concern could be the after effect of continuing a normal friendship after you've had a few benefits. And, don't let your friends pressure you into this just to fit in, especially if you're a *total* virgin. By Total virgin I mean you've done nothing. Even if you loose your virginity there will still be things you haven't done yet. You can't do it all in one night.  |
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Post by Joey on May 25, 2010 10:18:38 GMT -5
Well, I havent/will never do this. Mainly because I see it as something that needs more than just doing it for the fun of it. There needs to be a relationship for me, because...well I dont know, there just does.
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Cortney
Star
[AWD:0c15]The Objectioner
The Bown
Posts: 885
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Post by Cortney on May 25, 2010 10:33:11 GMT -5
This just depends on the person, and really is a case to case basis. I personally haven't had "friends with benefits" on a sexual level, but I'm not going to say I'm completely opposed to it. I'd rather be a nympho with a friend than with some stranger you only see one time in your life.
However, if you're someone looking for a healthy, romantic relationship, then I'd stay away from this.
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Post by KipEnyan on May 26, 2010 16:47:35 GMT -5
I did it with an ex for about 6 months.
She had two different boyfriends within that time period.
For me, it was a disaster, because it was leaden with the emotional baggage of the year+ prior to that spent being a couple.
I can't imagine how friends with benefits would ever really work on any extended basis (EG like 3+ occurrences) because you would either develop some type of emotional attachment for the person (or it was there to begin with) or you probably aren't attracted to them enough to really want to do it anyways.
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Post by chelseeyuh on May 26, 2010 17:05:13 GMT -5
Personally, I've never done it and I never would..
Sex is just plain better with someone you care about.. Why waste your time on a vapid relationship when you could be in a healthy, stable relationship, and having better sex? As far as the whole unrequited love for a friend, so you become FWB, that's just not smart.. Your feelings are going to get stronger, and you're going to think it'll turn into a real relationship, but it won't, and it'll just hurt more in the long run...
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Post by rialvestro on May 27, 2010 4:49:06 GMT -5
Personally, I've never done it and I never would.. Sex is just plain better with someone you care about.. Why waste your time on a vapid relationship when you could be in a healthy, stable relationship, and having better sex? As far as the whole unrequited love for a friend, so you become FWB, that's just not smart.. Your feelings are going to get stronger, and you're going to think it'll turn into a real relationship, but it won't, and it'll just hurt more in the long run... Well it's funny you say that considering our previous conversation about kissing between friends. I consider that a benefit just to be able to kiss. And honestly that's all we did before I had a mental break down. We didn't have sex. Honestly I think that sex is just physical and it could in theory be possible to have sex with no emotion attached to it. And that seems to be confirmed because physically the kissing, it felt great, there was no difference between kisser her when we were dating and when we weren't. However emotionally it was different. When we were dating, I never had problems having fun with her. I mean we still never had sex because we had to keep it a secret and there was no place private we could go for it. It's only after we broke up that she got her own place but we still have to keep it secret that we ever saw each other. As friends though, things felt too intimate to continue passed the kissing stage. She understood, we're still friends right now but I asked her out again and she said she had to take some to think about it. Her story right now is basically that she already has 3 kids from previous relationships. Ages 5, 4, and 2. The older two kids are with their grandparents and the youngest one was with both his parents but his father wasn't doing any of the work. Kathy was basically taking care of him alone. So Jeromy doesn't want anything to do with him and gave her full custody. Jeromy also had another girlfriend while she was still living with him and found out about it shortly before she got with me the first time. The other part of it is that she is or thinks that she is in love with my brother but he's married with two kids of his own. He's been having some problems with his wife but from what I've seen nothing they can't work out. Just standard stuff, nothing majorly big. So the way I met her was that her best friend from high school is actually my brother's wife and she's one of 3 main baby sitters for my nephews because their parents work. The other two and myself and their grandparents. Well when I first met Kathy she was still about 6 months pregnant with the youngest child. Oddly enough though I didn't even notice her size right away till my sister in-law mentioned she was pregnant. The first thing I looked at was her face and thought she was very pretty but I didn't say anything because I'm shy and can't talk to girls I think are pretty. So I basically just sat there very quiet and awkwardly while the girls were talking about pregnant stuff, (they were both pregnant at the time) and I tried my best to ignore them and play with Tredo on the floor. (Tredo is my older nephew) Well 2 years go by and every time I see this girl I can't speak coherently to her so I just try to cover it up by talking to someone else or playing with the kids. This is especially awkward when we're both left alone together with just the kids who can't talk in complete sentences yet. Tredo knows only a few words. Well last year I was with a different girl, really my first girlfriend ever. (yeah, I know, pathetic, took me 23 years to get my first girlfriend) Anyway, only mentioning her because it's important to the next part of the story. Anyway, one day when I'm alone with her she asks if she can add me on FaceBook. Next day I went home and that night she was on FaceBook and started IMing me. This was basically the first time we were ever able to really talk because for some reason I find it easier to write than talk to girls. So in that IM conversation I told her about everything, that I thought she was pretty, why I was never able to speak to her, and she told me that she was jealous of my ex-girlfriend. At this point Heidi and I were just friends, we broke up literally a year before I got together with Kathy. So yeah after two years of being too shy to even talk to this girl, not that it would matter because it wasn't till a couple weeks after we talked that she became available and stated dating. Yeah we got together because of an IM chat. The reason we broke up is because when she still living with Jeromy she was afraid of him or my brother finding out about us which was making her hear voices that weren't there. The stress got to her head and I felt bad for it so the break up was kind of mutual. But there was a talk that maybe we could try again after she figured out how she was going to take care of Dominic with Jeromy. Well he kicked her out of the house, and several people have helped pay to get her in the new apartment she's in now and they're working to get child support from Jeromy. That's $400 dollars that'll come out of his pay check, he get's paid $700 for each pay check and I don't feel a bit sorry for him. Bastard abandoned his own son. Regardless what I think about Jeromy I don't think it's right to talk badly about him in front of the kid. That's still his biological father weather he wants to be or not and I don't know what kind of psychological damage that could do to the kid to hear about his dad that way. When he's old enough to understand he'll learn but for now, he's only 2 and he's a very sweet and happy little kid.  My problem right now is that dating Kathy again would be so much easier if either she didn't have kids or I had a stable job. I'd love to be father to her kids, that's not a problem. I just don't know how I can support them financially. And I say them because even though she only has the one kid, I want to help her get her older children back as well. She showed me some pictures of them the other day and was telling me about them and I could sense she was feeling sad. I've seen her cry before when she talks about her kids but this time, I cried for her. |
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Post by jmejia1187 on May 27, 2010 7:22:40 GMT -5
People neglect the fact that coitus feels good. Whether it is with someone you care about or not, the act of coitus releases endorphins which can be very pleasurable.
Yes I have been in a friends with benefits situation before, and it can work!
I actually cared for my friend, and while we were both single we decided, who better to "have fun" with than each other?
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Post by zAkAtAk on May 28, 2010 8:37:47 GMT -5
I have a lot of friends with benefits, it's my main outlet of stress relief. I'll just call up a friend and ask if he wants to screw around. Some of my friends are comfortable doing things and uncomfortable doing others. We work around that and have fun. It's easy, accessible, safe fun. Everyone is clean, discrete if need be, and it's good practice |
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Post by rialvestro on May 28, 2010 13:44:00 GMT -5
it's good practice Yeah that's the only reason I wanted to try it. There are certain things that I never got to do that I wanted to try. I won't go into details. |
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Post by chelseeyuh on May 28, 2010 14:28:22 GMT -5
Personally, I've never done it and I never would.. Sex is just plain better with someone you care about.. Why waste your time on a vapid relationship when you could be in a healthy, stable relationship, and having better sex? As far as the whole unrequited love for a friend, so you become FWB, that's just not smart.. Your feelings are going to get stronger, and you're going to think it'll turn into a real relationship, but it won't, and it'll just hurt more in the long run... Well it's funny you say that considering our previous conversation about kissing between friends. I consider that a benefit just to be able to kiss. Kissing a friend =/= kissing a partner. Completely different... |
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Post by browniecaptainwill on May 28, 2010 15:51:27 GMT -5
If both parties consent to it, and are over the age of 16 (or 18, or whatever the age of consent is in your perticular country), then I dont see the problem in having casual sex with a 'friend with benefits'.
What both people must consider however is safety, they dont want a kid being brought into the equation, and the possibility that one may become emotionally attached to the other while the other does not want a proper relationship with that person.
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jaw
Moon
Oh yeah!
Posts: 154
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Post by jaw on May 28, 2010 16:15:04 GMT -5
Sex should be an emotional thing. I talked to a friend of mine and he said something like this. (He's like 22, sounds odd, but it's hard to explain so i'll tell you guys what he said) "I've done a lot of stupid SHIRT before. I've gone to parties and did all that. I've had sex with a lot girls, but when you love the person it's way better than with someone you don't love. Wait till you're in love to do it, you won't regret it."
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Post by zAkAtAk on May 29, 2010 0:23:13 GMT -5
Sex should be an emotional thing Who are you to tell me how I run my life. I see sex as more of an activity or a hobby rather than the backbone of a relationship. |
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Post by rialvestro on May 29, 2010 12:52:15 GMT -5
Well it's funny you say that considering our previous conversation about kissing between friends. I consider that a benefit just to be able to kiss. Kissing a friend =/= kissing a partner. Completely different... Not to me it isn't.  Sex should be an emotional thing. I talked to a friend of mine and he said something like this. (He's like 22, sounds odd, but it's hard to explain so i'll tell you guys what he said) "I've done a lot of stupid SHIRT before. I've gone to parties and did all that. I've had sex with a lot girls, but when you love the person it's way better than with someone you don't love. Wait till you're in love to do it, you won't regret it." I actually agree with this one. The first person I did it with was out of desperation not love because at the time I thought I had already lost my one true love. When you love someone and get hurt by them you stop careing about finding it and just want sex for the sake of having sex. That's how I was but the girl I'm with now, I fell in love again. We just got back together and it is so much better with her now. |
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Post by KipEnyan on May 30, 2010 17:17:14 GMT -5
Saying "Sex should be ________" is inherently wrong.
Unless you're some religious nutbag, there's no concrete boundaries on sex as long as it is medically sound. (IE: Protection, age, STDS, etc.)
From personal experience, I historically have failed at friends-with-benefits, just because when I fool around with someone for an extended time, it's hard to not get emotions mixed in with the deal. I guess it all just depends on the frequency/manner in which you do it.
Just because it doesn't work for me, doesn't mean other people can't do it. More emotionally... compartmentalized people can theoretically detach emotion from the pleasure of the physical act, and to those people, more power to you.
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