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Post by telmac on May 25, 2010 13:46:26 GMT -5
While there are those few couples who do stay together forever, In general, I think love is over-rated. When it got started that people were supposed to live together for their whole lives, people were living not much beyond 50 years old, and now that we live almost double that, It's all changed. People have trouble sticking together for that long. It used to be that you would get married, have a bunch of children, and then die a few years after. People weren't supposed to have to have to be together for that long. I mean, once you know everything there is to know about a person, they get boring. I don't know if you guys agree with me, but this is my opinion.
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Post by Joey on May 25, 2010 14:40:13 GMT -5
I dissagree. No offense if someone gets bored with their spouse then the dont love them. They might have thought the loved them. Love wasn't "Invented". It was there. Do you get bored with your parents, wish you could get rid of them? No, because you love them. Do parents get bored with their children, no. Should you get bored with you spouse, no. If so, then you didn't love. Love isn't over-rated,its over-used.
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Post by jmejia1187 on May 25, 2010 14:57:10 GMT -5
Uhm, I get bored with my parents all the time, and I am dying to move out, but I still love them. But I agree, it is better to find someone with common interests who you wont be bored with...
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Post by Joey on May 25, 2010 15:00:27 GMT -5
Uhm, I get bored with my parents all the time, and I am dying to move out, but I still love them. But I agree, it is better to find someone with common interests who you wont be bored with... Thats not getting bored with them, its your wanting to be free. I mean being bored and wanting new parents, which most people wouldnt want |
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kshults
Meteor
Teach me what you can
Posts: 73
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Post by kshults on May 25, 2010 15:10:37 GMT -5
I am a firm believer in love, I have to be... usually I have a pretty shitty personality toward myself, not always, but I can be quite the pessimist. I find joy in only a few places, the most common is other people. I love to love, I suppose would be the easiest way to put it... I mean, yeah... it would seem overrated to some, but that's when relationships are portrayed the way they are... or not even portrayed, because that once in a lifetime "True Love" kind of relationship doesn't happen to often, so people look at failed marriages and fucked up boyfriends/girlfriends, and think love is a hoax, or even just a word that doesn't mean too much... but it's out there, I've seen it, and I like to think that I've felt it, but you never know eh?
Just a quick side note- marriage and love aren't always the same thing
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Post by Danielle on May 25, 2010 16:13:34 GMT -5
I dissagree. No offense if someone gets bored with their spouse then the dont love them. They might have thought the loved them. I TOTALLY disagree. You don't think it's possible to fall out of love? Also, I see love and being in love as two very different things. I see love as a caring, compassionate emotion. You deeply care for a person and want them to be happy and content. A lot of people feel this for their parents, children, family, etc. But you don't HAVE to love them. Some people have really shitty parents, it's not them being angsty or over emotional, it's their parents being bad parents. I know a few people who can definitely say they do not love one or both of their parents. The same can go for family members or even grown children. Being in love, to me, is very, very different. I think it's essential to love someone before you can be in love. Being in love is a more passionate, intimate emotion. I'm not saying lust, just passion and intimacy. Being emotionally close to a person, and probably also physically close. I wouldn't want to spend my life with someone I love, but I would want to spend my life with someone with whom I am in love. |
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Post by Joey on May 25, 2010 17:08:09 GMT -5
I dissagree. No offense if someone gets bored with their spouse then the dont love them. They might have thought the loved them. I TOTALLY disagree. You don't think it's possible to fall out of love? Also, I see love and being in love as two very different things. I see love as a caring, compassionate emotion. You deeply care for a person and want them to be happy and content. A lot of people feel this for their parents, children, family, etc. But you don't HAVE to love them. Some people have really shitty parents, it's not them being angsty or over emotional, it's their parents being bad parents. I know a few people who can definitely say they do not love one or both of their parents. The same can go for family members or even grown children. Being in love, to me, is very, very different. I think it's essential to love someone before you can be in love. Being in love is a more passionate, intimate emotion. I'm not saying lust, just passion and intimacy. Being emotionally close to a person, and probably also physically close. I wouldn't want to spend my life with someone I love, but I would want to spend my life with someone with whom I am in love. I see. I am thinking along the same lines, but I am just calling saying that to me the second one is love, and the first is caring. Thats what I like about love, it can mean so many different things for so many different people. Also, to what you said at first, no I dont think its possible to fall out of love. You can stop caring for someone(Which you call "love"), but you cannot stop loving some one(Which you call "being in love"). What I was saying in regards to this is that I believe that you should only do things with someone you love, so I am going to abstain until marriage, and Im going to be sure as hell that the girl I marry is going to be someone that I want to spend the rest of my life with, someone I love. |
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Post by telmac on May 25, 2010 21:26:21 GMT -5
Im not saying love doesnt exist. Im not saying there is no love. What I am saying is that people expect more of love than they should. Common interest, being able to hold conversation, etc are important, im saying that when peop;e freak out that others get divorced later in life, that its crazy, and Im saying that it isnt.
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Post by Joey on May 25, 2010 21:44:10 GMT -5
I get it. I'm saying is that I think of love as the one thing that makes a marriage work. You call love what I call caring. It boils down to your definition of the word
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Post by jmejia1187 on May 25, 2010 21:56:54 GMT -5
Uhm, I get bored with my parents all the time, and I am dying to move out, but I still love them. But I agree, it is better to find someone with common interests who you wont be bored with... Thats not getting bored with them, its your wanting to be free. I mean being bored and wanting new parents, which most people wouldnt want I would agree, except that my mom is a hardcore christian and my dad is a conservative prolifer, anti gay person. Would I change them for atheist liberals? YES Actually I have a guy names Ernie DeMarie who is my best friend. He taught me AP Bio. I call him dad, and he calls me his son. I dont even call my dad, dad. So in this case, my dad is replaced. |
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Post by telmac on May 26, 2010 8:29:31 GMT -5
I get it. I'm saying is that I think of love as the one thing that makes a marriage work. You call love what I call caring. It boils down to your definition of the word Ill give you that, but then assuming that, you have to the agree that the word love is used in correctly. |
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Post by Joey on May 26, 2010 10:33:19 GMT -5
Thats not getting bored with them, its your wanting to be free. I mean being bored and wanting new parents, which most people wouldnt want I would agree, except that my mom is a hardcore christian and my dad is a conservative prolifer, anti gay person. Would I change them for atheist liberals? YES Actually I have a guy names Ernie DeMarie who is my best friend. He taught me AP Bio. I call him dad, and he calls me his son. I dont even call my dad, dad. So in this case, my dad is replaced. Okay, so you are an exception. You cant tell me that most people don't fall into your circumstance.(And dont count 15 year old girls with raging hormones hating their parents, because they get out of it) |
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Post by Danielle on May 26, 2010 10:42:19 GMT -5
I see. I am thinking along the same lines, but I am just calling saying that to me the second one is love, and the first is caring. Thats what I like about love, it can mean so many different things for so many different people. Wait...what? You said you love your family and parents? You care passionately and intimately for your family? There are DEFINITELY different types of love. If you don't think so, that's kinda...sick. |
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Post by Joey on May 26, 2010 10:42:33 GMT -5
I get it. I'm saying is that I think of love as the one thing that makes a marriage work. You call love what I call caring. It boils down to your definition of the word Ill give you that, but then assuming that, you have to the agree that the word love is used in correctly. Not neccesarily. Love isnt a difinitive word. You can't have a feeling and everyone else has the same one and know it is love. It can very, depending on your beliefs(I believe that love is rare, someone else believes that you can find it in everyday life with people.) and your situation(One who grows up with a caring family is going to have a different understanding than one who grows up having a bad life) The thing with love for me is that it is over-used. "I love my cell phone" really makes me mad. I see love as the greatest thing on earth. I believe God gave it to us, someone else might believe that we created it. Whatever you believe, I think that it is the most sought after thing in the universe. Wars can start because of love.(Nationalsim, an overboard LOVE of ones country) Every person seeks love in some form, and its a beautiful thing when you find it. That's why "I love my cell phone" affects me so much. Maybe I'm a believer in a lost cause. Maybe I have false hope that the world can find what love really means. Maybe I am growing up believeing in something that was dissmissed years ago. I don't care. I will stand by my words, and no matter what others say, I will never change my stance on what love is. |
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Post by telmac on May 26, 2010 14:34:04 GMT -5
Just for the sake of this conversation,. lets throw away the word love. Im going to try to define the types that people seem to agree on. if you dont like the list, change it. Also, the numbers are arbitrary at this point.
1. The kind of love the people who have been married for their whole life have; intimate, passionate, and caring.
2. The kind of love that family members have to each other, caring, and strong.
3. "In Love" The kind of love that people who are "in love" have. Passionate, but transient.
Anty others? just add to the list.
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Post by Ryan on May 26, 2010 16:08:39 GMT -5
It all boils down to:
There are lots of different types of love. But in the end, if you really love someone it really just comes to the fact, that no matter what they do, you will always love them and feel the same emotion towards them.
That is the case with family love and the love required to make relationships work. If you love someone, but they could do something to change your sentiments towards them, then you do not really love them, you simply feel passionate about them or care for them. It is not, however, a feeling of love.
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Post by thequirkyduo on May 26, 2010 23:58:55 GMT -5
Maybe I'm a little biased on the topic of love coming from a divorced family, but I agree that it is entirely overrated, if not mythical. I'm only 16, so obviously I don't have the life experience required to determine whether or not 'love' is real - but from what I've gathered it isn't. You can REALLY like someone, and REALLY care for someone, and be REALLY attracted to someone, but does that mean that you love them? Personally, I think the phrase is way too overused. You tell friends that you love them, family that you love them, even people that you barely know that you love them. So there isn't really any special meaning left for when you REALLY do LOVE someone. I think that telling someone that you 'care for them greatly,' is a much better way to express how you feel... albeit a little odd sounding. Anyways, what I'm trying to say is that I don't believe in love. I don't think that humans are meant to mate for life, and I certainly don't believe in true love or love at first sight. It is ridiculous to think that there is only one person in the world for you. If this was true, people wouldn't get remarried, or get a new boyfriend/girlfriend and 'fall in love' all over again. I think thats it.  |
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Post by swan on May 27, 2010 4:20:06 GMT -5
I dislike the word love because of how inadequate it is at describing things. The ancient Greeks had 4 different words for love:
Eros - Which is intense, passionate, sensual, and inspiring. It is more or less "traditional" love, or the kind that is felt between two lovers. Doesn't necessarily have to be sexual and Plato argued that ideal love is elevated above the need for sex (which he felt was vulgar) which is where "Platonic love" comes from (however today Platonic love generally refers to Agape). This is the kind of love you have for someone you want to spend the rest of your life with.
Agape - More or less just means caring and is non-sexual. Generally felt between family members and some really close friends, and it is the kind of love an altruistic person might have for people in general. This is the kind of love you have for people you wanna see happy and people you want to have in your life but not as the focus of your life.
Philia - Could be considered friendship and is characterized by loyalty, respect, affection and it is non-sexual. It is also the type of love you might have for certain activities (which is where a term like philosopher gets its name, philo = lover of, and sophia = wisdom, however today it is used more to describe a sexual desire towards something, like necrophilia or pedophilia).
Storge - rarely used (to the point where you could consider it irrelevant) but generally means natural affection, like the kind a parent feels towards their child.
I hope those definitions were clear and I'm sure there's room for some overlap.
To consider love in a more abstract sense, it is really just the outcome of a close, functional relationship. When the relationship (which is the foundation for the love) changes for the worse, it is only natural that the love might disappear. When people fall out of love it is due to a change in the dynamics of the relationship, not because of any inadequacy of the emotion itself.
Oh man, long post is long.
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Post by Jake on May 27, 2010 12:00:48 GMT -5
Here's the way I see it: - There is a lot of different types of love (we actually did this as a project in my English class and came up with around 30).
- "Love" as a word is not being misused when used with friends. People can quite legitimately care about a friend like a parent and child.
- "Love" isn't being misued either with objects. It's just we have one word for many different types of love, the opposite of the Eskimos having many different words for our one word "snow".
- Part of the problem with so many people divorcing is because they fall out of love, but don't even attempt to refind why they loved each other in the first place.
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Post by marcy on May 27, 2010 17:35:46 GMT -5
Love varies I think
And I think trying to stay with someone forever is very hard, there is though a type of love that allows for it
Often it can just be a burst which eventually fades, but I think that sort of love is just as important to experience as the long lasting one
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