Post by Dimstow on Apr 10, 2010 14:49:36 GMT -5
So, a few of you may already know this, but I'm looking to buy myself a new truck and whilst checking Craigslist (Gotta love it) I discovered this Ad, I wish I had written this...
I think I've found my truck
~!!Manliest Dodge for sale!!~
Date: 2010-03-28, 10:29PM
2002 Dodge Ram Loaded Limited Edition $5000.00
This Ram is only available for purchase by the manliest of men (or a really tough chick). My friend, if it were possible for a vehicle to sprout chest hair and a five o'clock shadow, this Ram would do it. It's just that manly.
This truck doesn't know how to drive to the mall so you can pick up that adorable shirt at Abercrombie & Fitch that you had your eye on. It wasn't meant to transport you to yoga class or Linens & Things. No, that's what a sissy hybrid is for. If that's the kind of vehicle youre looking for, then just do me a favor and stop reading right now. I mean it. Just stop.
This truck was engineered by 3rd degree ninja super-warriors in the highest mountains of Missouri to serve the needs of the man who cheats death on a daily basis. They didn't even consider superfluous nancy-boy amenities like navigation systems (real men don't get lost), or On Star (real men don't even know what On Star is).
No, this brute comes with the things us testosterone-fueled, super-action junkies need. It has a 4.7 liter V8 engine to outrun the cops (or your ex-wife). It's got special blood/gore resistant upholstery. It even has a first-aid kit in the back complete with a pint of whiskey, a stitch-your-own-wound kit and a hunk of leather to bite down on when you're operating on yourself. The Ram also has an automatic transmission so if you're being chased by Libyan terrorists, you'll still be able to shoot your machine gun out the window and drive at the same time. It's saved my bacon more than once.
It has room for you and the two hotties you picked up on the way to the gym to blast your pecs and hammer your glutes. The doors are full-sized, open in the right direction, real doors - not the whiny things that open backwards. If the lovely lady in your passenger seat gets cold, there are heaters in the front to keep her all warm and comfy. It also has cruise, if you're paying more attention to the beauty blowing in your ear than the speed limit. There is a AM/FM/CD stereo system with JBL speakers to blast your tunes and drown out the chopper hovering overhead shooting at you. There's a tow hitch to pull your 50 caliber anti-Taliban, self-cooling machine gun and a sun roof for your gun turrets. I also just put in a new windshield to replace the one that got round-house kicked by Chuck Norris. And to help clear the ugliest of off-roads - and look good while you do it - it has over-sized tires to run over the camel herds when they JUST wont move.
My price on this bad boy is an incredibly low $5000, but I'll entertain reasonable offers. And by reasonable, I don't mean $3,000. That's liable to earn you a Burmese-roundhouse-sphincter-kick with a follow up three fingered eye-jab. Would it hurt? Oh, yeah. Let's just say you won't be the prettiest guy at the Coldplay concert anymore.
There's only 170,000 miles on this four-wheeled wildcat. Trust me, it will outlive you and your offspring. It will live on as a monument to your machismo.
Now, go look in the mirror and tell me what you see. If it's a rugged, no holds barred, super brute he-man macho Chuck Norris stunt double, then contact me. I might be out hang-gliding or BASE jumping or just chilling with my ladies, but I'll get back to you.
Date: 2010-03-28, 10:29PM
2002 Dodge Ram Loaded Limited Edition $5000.00
This Ram is only available for purchase by the manliest of men (or a really tough chick). My friend, if it were possible for a vehicle to sprout chest hair and a five o'clock shadow, this Ram would do it. It's just that manly.
This truck doesn't know how to drive to the mall so you can pick up that adorable shirt at Abercrombie & Fitch that you had your eye on. It wasn't meant to transport you to yoga class or Linens & Things. No, that's what a sissy hybrid is for. If that's the kind of vehicle youre looking for, then just do me a favor and stop reading right now. I mean it. Just stop.
This truck was engineered by 3rd degree ninja super-warriors in the highest mountains of Missouri to serve the needs of the man who cheats death on a daily basis. They didn't even consider superfluous nancy-boy amenities like navigation systems (real men don't get lost), or On Star (real men don't even know what On Star is).
No, this brute comes with the things us testosterone-fueled, super-action junkies need. It has a 4.7 liter V8 engine to outrun the cops (or your ex-wife). It's got special blood/gore resistant upholstery. It even has a first-aid kit in the back complete with a pint of whiskey, a stitch-your-own-wound kit and a hunk of leather to bite down on when you're operating on yourself. The Ram also has an automatic transmission so if you're being chased by Libyan terrorists, you'll still be able to shoot your machine gun out the window and drive at the same time. It's saved my bacon more than once.
It has room for you and the two hotties you picked up on the way to the gym to blast your pecs and hammer your glutes. The doors are full-sized, open in the right direction, real doors - not the whiny things that open backwards. If the lovely lady in your passenger seat gets cold, there are heaters in the front to keep her all warm and comfy. It also has cruise, if you're paying more attention to the beauty blowing in your ear than the speed limit. There is a AM/FM/CD stereo system with JBL speakers to blast your tunes and drown out the chopper hovering overhead shooting at you. There's a tow hitch to pull your 50 caliber anti-Taliban, self-cooling machine gun and a sun roof for your gun turrets. I also just put in a new windshield to replace the one that got round-house kicked by Chuck Norris. And to help clear the ugliest of off-roads - and look good while you do it - it has over-sized tires to run over the camel herds when they JUST wont move.
My price on this bad boy is an incredibly low $5000, but I'll entertain reasonable offers. And by reasonable, I don't mean $3,000. That's liable to earn you a Burmese-roundhouse-sphincter-kick with a follow up three fingered eye-jab. Would it hurt? Oh, yeah. Let's just say you won't be the prettiest guy at the Coldplay concert anymore.
There's only 170,000 miles on this four-wheeled wildcat. Trust me, it will outlive you and your offspring. It will live on as a monument to your machismo.
Now, go look in the mirror and tell me what you see. If it's a rugged, no holds barred, super brute he-man macho Chuck Norris stunt double, then contact me. I might be out hang-gliding or BASE jumping or just chilling with my ladies, but I'll get back to you.
I think I've found my truck
