Needz some help to explain to my parents...

[narwhalftw]

Hi, I'm new, plz to halps n00b.

My name is Priscilla (already this feels like an AA conference or something), I'm 15, and I'm kinda in a predicament. I've grown up in a strictly Christian home- my parents were missionaries, my sister was born in Mali, and I was conceived there, we go to church every single Sunday, my dad sends me on church mission trips, etc. All my dad really talks about is religion or my bad grade in English or my addiction to the internet (but mostly religion). He's super ecstatic about Christianity, is evangelical, he's always telling us stories of his "wondrous adventures with God" and such. It's not like he's a hater on all the other religions, but he pretty much never talks about them, unless it's about someone who he met who isn't Christian, and he gets all teary-eyed and tells us all how he's working to convert them. He's even got my little sister trying to convert my Bangladeshi friend's little sister, and all my friend tells me is to tell her to stop, because he finds it offensive. My older sister is really Christian as well, and I'm pretty sure my mom is, but when she's in her drunken and/or chronic depression state of mind, she tells me otherwise.

But yeahhh, the thing is, last November-ish I started not liking the people at my church, either because they were hypocritical or crazy or assholes. After I started to see through the people around me, I also started to see the holes in the religion my life has so far been centered around. I questioned all the things going on in the Bible, the way people say they can hear God's voice talking to them, and the philosophies of the Christian religion. Things that Jesus did seemed improbable, the book of Revelations seemed only to be written by some trippin' or insane person , and the way that God looks down upon gays and such seemed like an utter bitch move, etc etc etc.

So now I'm pretty sure I'd be classified as an atheist, even though I don't have a religion at all, and respect those with their own way of worship, and I admit I have no idea how it's gonna be when I die. But I do know that I can't really stand pretty much being forced to go to church every Sunday, after every meal reading a chapter of the Bible, and having to try and hold a conversation with my dad about Christianity that won't reveal how I actually feel. I have a feeling that (since I wasn't given the freedom of religion and open-minded parents that Dan got), that if my dad found out how I felt, that he would either kick me out or every day for the rest of my life be judging me and/or trying to convert me at every moment he can. But I really don't know what I should do. I haven't even told my friends about any of this, and they still regard we as a Christian, and treat me as such. I don't really like it.

PLZ HALPS I DUNNO WHAT TO DO

[mozza314]

In general, honesty is the best policy here. I think the only good reason to withhold your atheism from your family is if telling them would put you in danger somehow. Being kicked out at age 15 would be dangerous, so if you really think that's a significant possibility, perhaps you should keep your atheism a secret for a few more years. However, from your post it seems your dad is a reasonable enough guy towards non-believers, and because your mum seems to actually be in the non-believing camp too, you getting kicked out looks pretty unlikely. That said, you would obviously be a much better judge of the risk, so don't take my word for it.

Living a lie can be very hard and draining, so if you're at risk of being kicked out and want to stop lying anyway, first consider some close friends and/or relatives that would take you in in the event of you getting kicked out for this reason. It would also obviously be important that anyone you ask about this would keep your secret until you decided to tell your parents.

Also, consider talking a to a school councilor about this. It may be helpful and if you do and you end up getting kicked out, they may have the resources to arrange for you to be looked after.

Personally I have been through this but it was very much less severe - part of my family was always atheistic, and other parts were becoming less religious, it was mainly to my step-mother who I revealed I was an atheist.

[ebononyx]

I don't think you are truly an Atheist I would say Agnostic. However, that topic is not the discussion. I would like to add my two cents to the pot, so here I go:

My name is Wayne, I am 20 years old, and just recently got back into faith. I am a Christian (Mennonite). From what I have read (which is all posted thus-far) I think that you should talk to a school councilor about this, as stated earlier.

You said your Dad tries to convert every Non-Christian, so I too doubt that you will be forced out of your home (especially if he is a true Christian). I would like to know what sect of the Christian religion your family is, I think this would help with my understanding of your father.

Now, my view, I do mean mine specifically not my religion as a whole. My view of God is a bit different from the one that is stated in your post. You said that "...God looks down upon gays and such..." I would disagree. It is stated in the Bible that god made Humans in Gods image. So if Humans can be homosexual I feel that's the way God willed it. How one deals with their homosexuality is where the whole free will thing comes in, and it is not for me to judge. Also, I am not trying to convert you, I do think that you should take a look at different sects of the Christian religion before you say that Christianity is not for you.

Now for telling your parents, it seems to me that your dad it the "issue" here so I would suggest to tell him that you have questions and are looking to explore faith. There are a couple Bible passages I can get for you that you could use to help convince him to let you explore faith. This could strengthen or weaken your faith in the Christian religion, but I feel that religion is truly a deep and spiritual choice only you can make, that it is good you have questions, and that you are not just blindly accepting the religion that your dad is so adamant about.

I am sorry for any grammatical errors as it is 1:30 am when I am writing this.

Hope it helps,
Wayne.

[narwhalftw]

Thanks for the advice, guys

I think I might tell him soon. I'm a bit less worried about the outcome.

I'm still a bit apprehensive about the idea of him trying to convert me constantly, because I know from the type of guy he is that it will bug him to no end that there is a member of his family that isn't Christian. Since I was diagnosed with type 3 bipolar, he hasn't stopped sending me links to websites and slipping articles under my door telling how the medication doesn't work, it's a placebo, etc... even though there is a clearly noticeable change in my moods. I think even if I talk to him reasonably, he won't fully accept my free-thinking.

Still, I think I might tell him soon.

[iamagnostic]

Convert to Mormonism, your parents will understand better, and I'm sure they'd be less difficult, and more accepting even if you told them [when at church] that you didn't believe.

Different religions > Atheism.
In the eyes of religious addicts.

Feel free to make a post on my forums or Facebook page if you need more help from people who have gone through this themselves.

[tsunami]

In all honesty, you should simply explain to your father your situation. On top of this, you may also want to explain to him that you completely respect his thoughts on religion. The thing that bothers me about this situation is the fact that if your father is a "true" christian, he has no right to judge you because the bible clearly states the following: www.parrett.net/~bhcoc/notes/judging%20others.htm

I believe that if your father is the man you have described him then he should understand.