Bad Pick-Up Lines: New and Improved

[knightofarboria]

Reposted from another location on the forum to a place that makes more sense to post it (i.e. here).

You've probably heard them all from the local clubs, bars, and high school cafeterias: all the worst phrases to use to catch the attention of a much-desired significant other. While these phrases might function in the respect that, yes, they will grab your prospective mate's attention, they will also grab attention for all the wrong reasons, not the least of which being that these lines are incredibly corny.

What I want to do is compile a list of all the worst pick-up lines you, the community of SPOTM, have heard in the course of your lives, ever. Predominately because it's just comedy gold material, and I'll be damned if I'm in a forum with no comedy gold material. I'll start us all off with a few goodies:

• Is that dress felt? Would you like it to be?
  
• Do you believe in love at first sight? If not, I'll walk by again.
  
• I seem to have lost my number. Can I have yours?
  

[general-pain]

I'm a chef, how do you feel about spotted dick?

[bombmaniac]

hey baby, lets add a bed subtract our clothes, divide your legs and lets multiply

[knightofarboria]

Could I borrow your library card? 'Cause I'm checkin' you out.

[newschooled]

Let's play "birth". I CALL BABY!

[morbidbarbie]

^ Best pic ever ^

Bob - Do my eyes match my shoes?
-Sue looks at eyes, then down to shoes-
Bob - Did you just check me out?

Bob - "Did it hurt?"
Sue - "What hurt?"
Bob - "When you fell from heaven"

[knightofarboria]

Let's let only latex stand in the way of our love.

[zAkAtAk]

want to make a baby?


want to make a baby now?



want to make a baby now?



want to make a baby now?

[knightofarboria]

I think I'm falling madly in bed with you.

[Juno]

Is your name Gillette? Cause your the best a man can get!

Im not a guy but someone used that on me...

[Engesa Green once more]

Do you have any (insert your nationality here) in you?
Would you like to?

[NormanTheOne]

are you from Tennessee, cause you're the only ten-I-see.

[Benyamin]

hey im drunk and i want to have sex

^ best ever

[coltonbrown]

Not exactly a pickup line but I thought I'd share it...
Joe - "Did it hurt?"
Nancy - "What hurt?"
Joe - "When you fell from heaven"
Nancy - "Awe..."
Joe - "Because your face is pretty f*cked up"

[kreacherxluver]

A Harry Potter one: You are like a bottle of Skele-Gro... You're growing me a bone.

[shinigami345]

do you work for UPS because you've been checking out my package since i've gotten here?

I've been undressing you with my eyes since i've gotten here now time to see if i'm right.

Is there a mirror in your pants because i see myself in them?

That's a nice dress it would look better in a heap on the floor. (this can work if you instead say "That's a nice dress...too bad my last girl friend wore the exact. same. one...now i can't even talk to you)

and then theres the classic "Here smell this rag! (the rag has choloform on it you can guess where that leads to(jail)"

heres some better lines:

Hey! I need a female opinion. I'm cleaning out all the cologne my ex-girlfriend gave me, and I need to know what you think (have two types of cologne on your wrists and have her smell them). after she smells them.. Okay, Now I guess you want to know what they're named this one is chloroform and this one is hemlock(said in a funny way not a serious tone oh and btw you approach with a smile like a "I've just had a good laugh with my friends but I'M suspending MY time to talk to you) if you don't want to be funny just tell her the names of the colognes on the bottle and say "yea my ex liked that one, too you're toxic for me i can't even talk to you now" D: it's classic oh i should say i'm assuming you're talking to 8-10's with that kind of material 6's and 7's might not like the neg at the end or the humor up top D:

[knightofarboria]

I'd let you smoke my Cuban, if you catch my drift.

[icarus]

My blue jeans is tight, so onto my love rocket climb

[Adam]

my dick is like Vitamin Water, try it.

[Johncoyne]

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,

I'll fuck you with a rake.