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Post by dandelions8910 on Mar 13, 2010 15:35:21 GMT -5
The thing for me is...when I was being pressured, I didn't realize it. I feel like I thought what was happening was normal and it was right for me to "take that next step". But it wasn't. Not at all. I won't go into details since it's far too long a story, but I was broken down to the smallest I've ever been because of decisions that I made. Thankfully, I took good from the situation and grew from it, but I know people who have not fared as well as I did from something like that. I will be the first person to tell you that what I did was stupid but that doesn't change the fact that it happened. When we make mistakes we have to learn from them and grow up. When you aren't ready, you aren't ready. It doesn't matter whether you have an explicit reason or not.
I was pressured. I was pressured to do it in the first place, I was pressured to keep doing it, and I was also pressured to NOT do it. I have lost friends when I've told them, I have been judged poorly by almost every person who knows that about me, so often I just avoid the entire issue or try to change the subject when it comes up. But, having said that, no one has been as disappointed in me than myself, because I did not do it for me, I didn't do it because it was right.
About what cadetpewpew said, sex is good, as long as you have a good, stable relationship with two adults. two people who know who they are and what they want. It's something that we, as teenagers, often don't take seriously enough(at least the general teenage population, not necessarily here). We don't think things will change when it happens or we think they'll change in a different way than they will. My parents were like that too. We've always had a great and open relationship, but I had to know what was right for me and I didn't. I don't think I'm less of a person, I have grown a lot from it. I'm just pointing out that it isn't that black and white. It's not just normal and abusive. There's too many variables for that.
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Post by cadetpewpew on Mar 13, 2010 15:52:32 GMT -5
The thing for me is...when I was being pressured, I didn't realize it. I feel like I thought what was happening was normal and it was right for me to "take that next step". But it wasn't. Not at all. I won't go into details since it's far too long a story, but I was broken down to the smallest I've ever been because of decisions that I made. Thankfully, I took good from the situation and grew from it, but I know people who have not fared as well as I did from something like that. I will be the first person to tell you that what I did was stupid but that doesn't change the fact that it happened. When we make mistakes we have to learn from them and grow up. When you aren't ready, you aren't ready. It doesn't matter whether you have an explicit reason or not. I was pressured. I was pressured to do it in the first place, I was pressured to keep doing it, and I was also pressured to NOT do it. I have lost friends when I've told them, I have been judged poorly by almost every person who knows that about me, so often I just avoid the entire issue or try to change the subject when it comes up. But, having said that, no one has been as disappointed in me than myself, because I did not do it for me, I didn't do it because it was right. About what cadetpewpew said, sex is good, as long as you have a good, stable relationship with two adults. two people who know who they are and what they want. It's something that we, as teenagers, often don't take seriously enough(at least the general teenage population, not necessarily here). We don't think things will change when it happens or we think they'll change in a different way than they will. My parents were like that too. We've always had a great and open relationship, but I had to know what was right for me and I didn't. I don't think I'm less of a person, I have grown a lot from it. I'm just pointing out that it isn't that black and white. It's not just normal and abusive. There's too many variables for that. I completely agree with you,I'm just putting it into my perspective,you know. I'm not saying that things are that black and white,I'm just saying that when you say that media has planted into our heads that sex is good,you should probably think for a second 'Wait...isn't that what sex really is?'. (not you,as in you,but as in that girl that wrote that one thing) For all I know (except for some times,when it just doesn't work out,not going into much detail),sex isn't like a huge torture . I mean,I know it doesn't really feel nice to know that you didn't really do it with the right person,or the right time,but things like that make us who we are.They make us stronger. I'm not saying I've never doubted that I've done it with the right person,but all in all,I think we're all thinking about it way too much,and it doesn't really matter,because once it's lost,it's lost forever. And of course we all know that the first time is always the worst and most sloppy one. It's always like this super awkward moment,you have no idea what to do and all you can think about is 'Am I ready,is this right?'.. Nothing like the movies. I mean if the first time is really this HUGE disappointment,why are we all so obsessed with it? So,moral of the story- What media portrays as sex,might not be that realistic AT ALL,but I don't think that the main message is given wrong. In the end it's all about two people having sexual intercourse,making LOVE.
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Post by dandelions8910 on Mar 13, 2010 16:20:26 GMT -5
That makes a lot of sense, actually. Sometimes the media is right, after all. Even though the main image I remember from tv is a lot worse than that, but I think I just watched too much Law and Order when I was little.
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pnla
Meteorite
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Post by pnla on Mar 13, 2010 17:50:43 GMT -5
Did you just seriously say that MEDIA has PLANTED sex as a GOOD thing in our minds? If sex is not a good thing,what the fuck else is? Usually(not a 100% of times,of course) sex is the best thing in a relationship. Or at least the peak of one. It's a way to show your ultimate affection for someone and of course one of the few free pleasures left on earth. It was not PLANTED in my brain that sex is good,because sex IS good. In my family there was never a prohibition or even a talk about sex. My parents just said 'Do whatever you like,just don't do anything stupid okay?' and that was it. And I don't think that I'm less of a person. I'm not saying anything against your beliefs,it's your choice,and I respect it,but seriously? Would you explain to me a little bit as to why you think sex is a bad thing? And what other negative sides are there to it,except for the eventual STD,or in the worst case AIDS... Again,not talking about sexual abuse,just normal sex. But you are not in a relationship just for the sex, am I right? I think the point that pnla was trying to get across was that sex is everywhere in the media. Sex is part of life, that's it. It's not some crazy divine thing like the media portrays it to be. Yes, exactly. It's not that sex is completely bad all the time, I mean I have my beliefs but I'm not going to make the claim that sex is always bad outside of marriage. I just mean that the media makes it seem like something a person can't be whole without, like its the most important thing in the world and if you don't have it your missing out the greatest experience to ever exist in all of eternity. It's the reason I stopped watching TV, all you ever see are sex scandals as the main plot in shows and people running around naked (blurred but still) in reality shows, its almost impossible to find a non-children's show that doesn't talk about sex. As for what the bad aspects of it, well if you would read the rest of my post I'm sure you'll better understand. Generally as girls(not saying every girl in the world, nor am I saying no guy is like this, just generally girls) do view sex as an emotional thing, like you said 'It's a way to show your ultimate affection for someone' but generally guys (and again not saying every single guy in the world is like this and this is also something that has a lot to do with location but generally guys) tend to just view it as sex. You might have sex with a guy that you think you're in love with, and he may not call you back because he never really did. Or like I said in my last post, he might just string you along because he wants a sex buddy and not really care about you at all. I've seen this happen multiple times. I would certainly call those negative aspects, its just something you have to be extremely careful with because it is an emotional thing and girls tend (once more 'tend' not always, but tend) to have a lot more trouble getting over the guy they lost their virginity too then the guys they dated before because of all the emotion that goes along with it. I mean yah, if they lost their virginity to them it's also because they cared a lot more but their is still that feel dread in knowing you made the wrong decision, depending on the situation of course, not all break ups are because the guy was really a jerk. I'm just mean you have to be careful but the media makes it seem Ok to have sex with someone you've only known for a day or two, or just completely distort the emotional factors all together. And at the very least I'm sure you can agree that there are emotional factors, I've yet to come across a girl (that has lost their virginity) that has ever said other wise.
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Post by Dimstow on Mar 13, 2010 18:58:45 GMT -5
Coming from a guys standpoint (well, my standpoint but by golly, there's just not enough testosterone in this thread!) I lost my Virginity when I was very young (Way to young to want too admit) but it wasn't because of pressure on me, or pressure I inflicted on anyone it was just strictectly "Hey, I'm horny, I heard this feels good, wanna try it?", as rediculous as that sounds it was kind of a 'Why not' situation. Do I regret it? Of course! I did it way too earl, with someone I wasn't even that in too much less loved and to be honest, it didn't even feel good enough to justify it lol But, I do think sex is absolutely a normal part of a relationship, as long as both of you want it and want it for each other and not for anyone else then ,by all means, shiver her timbers I think if I had been smart enough to wait, it wouldn't ave been until marriage, it probably would have been until I were in a good relationship where we both wanted to do it and didn't give a flying raccoon what anyone thought.
From a guys standpoint, I think there is a lot of pressure to lose your virginity, but not in the direct put downs kinda way, putting it simply, by the time I was 15 guys we're comparing how well girls were in bed in the locker room, and it only escalated from there (I don't know if this is a universal truth but seriously, guys talk about some insane ship in the guys locker room, nasty horrible things about girls that I walked by in the hallways, its kind of an eye-opener) I know a lot of guys who went out and were the horrible manipulators in relationship but that was because they were being manipulated themselves, it's both tragic and really...really stupid.
Now I'm a few years older, a tad wiser (though that's strictly from outside influence) and I've been in a very very strong relationship for over 2 years. Without sex. She chose to wait until marriage for her own reasons, and not only to I respect her more for it, I praise it, It takes SO MUCH willpower to be in a good relationship and not have sex that it's just amazing to see someone with thank kind of strength of character And though I do think sex is perfectly normal, healthy and just gosh darn fun, I really don't think that being in a sex-less relationship makes it any less meaningful, and in more than 1 way it brings us closer.
So to sum it up, sex good but should have waited, guys talk about differently trimmed cats in locker rooms, relationship still good even without boinking.
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pnla
Meteorite
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Post by pnla on Mar 13, 2010 20:26:12 GMT -5
(well, my standpoint but by golly, there's just not enough testosterone in this thread!) I lawled, and agree whole heartedly, its not often you come across the opportunity to discuss stuff like this with the opposite sex in an honest and non-awkward way. So guys, please put your two sense in, even if you think its something that might make us consider burning you at the stake for. lol But seriously, we need more testosterone in this thread.
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Post by noobsensei on Mar 13, 2010 20:42:23 GMT -5
I guess you could say I was pressured...but I'm not sure how much of that pressure came from society and how much of it was just in my own head.
When you're a guy in your early to mid-20s and you're still a virgin (and you don't want to be), you get very very lonely and it really starts to hurt your self-esteem. No one overtly pressured me into it or made fun of me, but by the time I was 23 I was the only virgin in my circle of friends so I felt inadequate. Eventually one of my friends set me up with this chick he knows so that I could lose my virginity.
It was disappointing to say the least, but it was an eye-opener. For so many years I had been obsessed with losing my virginity as soon as possible and I had convinced myself that sex would be amazing. But it's really nothing to obsess over. Chances are it will be awkward as hell the first few times (for both guys and girls). And even after I got better at it, it was hardly as amazing as I thought it would be.
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Post by cadetpewpew on Mar 14, 2010 3:29:26 GMT -5
But you are not in a relationship just for the sex, am I right? I think the point that pnla was trying to get across was that sex is everywhere in the media. Sex is part of life, that's it. It's not some crazy divine thing like the media portrays it to be. Yes, exactly. It's not that sex is completely bad all the time, I mean I have my beliefs but I'm not going to make the claim that sex is always bad outside of marriage. I just mean that the media makes it seem like something a person can't be whole without, like its the most important thing in the world and if you don't have it your missing out the greatest experience to ever exist in all of eternity. It's the reason I stopped watching TV, all you ever see are sex scandals as the main plot in shows and people running around naked (blurred but still) in reality shows, its almost impossible to find a non-children's show that doesn't talk about sex. As for what the bad aspects of it, well if you would read the rest of my post I'm sure you'll better understand. Generally as girls(not saying every girl in the world, nor am I saying no guy is like this, just generally girls) do view sex as an emotional thing, like you said 'It's a way to show your ultimate affection for someone' but generally guys (and again not saying every single guy in the world is like this and this is also something that has a lot to do with location but generally guys) tend to just view it as sex. You might have sex with a guy that you think you're in love with, and he may not call you back because he never really did. Or like I said in my last post, he might just string you along because he wants a sex buddy and not really care about you at all. I've seen this happen multiple times. I would certainly call those negative aspects, its just something you have to be extremely careful with because it is an emotional thing and girls tend (once more 'tend' not always, but tend) to have a lot more trouble getting over the guy they lost their virginity too then the guys they dated before because of all the emotion that goes along with it. I mean yah, if they lost their virginity to them it's also because they cared a lot more but their is still that feel dread in knowing you made the wrong decision, depending on the situation of course, not all break ups are because the guy was really a jerk. I'm just mean you have to be careful but the media makes it seem Ok to have sex with someone you've only known for a day or two, or just completely distort the emotional factors all together. And at the very least I'm sure you can agree that there are emotional factors, I've yet to come across a girl (that has lost their virginity) that has ever said other wise. Okay,NOW I agree completely with you. And kudos on your decision really,because it's a fucking rare thing if not impossible in my country to see someone who's going to wait until marriage. Most kids lost their v-cards at about 13-14...
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Post by Jake on Mar 14, 2010 6:04:55 GMT -5
Okay,NOW I agree completely with you. And kudos on your decision really,because it's a fucking rare thing if not impossible in my country to see someone who's going to wait until marriage. Most kids lost their v-cards at about 13-14... Out of interest, which country do you come from?
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Post by cadetpewpew on Mar 14, 2010 12:01:25 GMT -5
Okay,NOW I agree completely with you. And kudos on your decision really,because it's a fucking rare thing if not impossible in my country to see someone who's going to wait until marriage. Most kids lost their v-cards at about 13-14... Out of interest, which country do you come from? Bulgaria. If you don't know where it is,look for the world's asshole,and you'll find it. Right next to Serbia.
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Post by andromeda on Mar 16, 2010 18:13:51 GMT -5
Coming from a guys standpoint (well, my standpoint but by golly, there's just not enough testosterone in this thread!) I lost my Virginity when I was very young (Way to young to want too admit) but it wasn't because of pressure on me, or pressure I inflicted on anyone it was just strictectly "Hey, I'm horny, I heard this feels good, wanna try it?", as rediculous as that sounds it was kind of a 'Why not' situation. Do I regret it? Of course! I did it way too earl, with someone I wasn't even that in too much less loved and to be honest, it didn't even feel good enough to justify it lol But, I do think sex is absolutely a normal part of a relationship, as long as both of you want it and want it for each other and not for anyone else then ,by all means, shiver her timbers I think if I had been smart enough to wait, it wouldn't ave been until marriage, it probably would have been until I were in a good relationship where we both wanted to do it and didn't give a flying raccoon what anyone thought. From a guys standpoint, I think there is a lot of pressure to lose your virginity, but not in the direct put downs kinda way, putting it simply, by the time I was 15 guys we're comparing how well girls were in bed in the locker room, and it only escalated from there (I don't know if this is a universal truth but seriously, guys talk about some insane ship in the guys locker room, nasty horrible things about girls that I walked by in the hallways, its kind of an eye-opener) I know a lot of guys who went out and were the horrible manipulators in relationship but that was because they were being manipulated themselves, it's both tragic and really...really stupid. Now I'm a few years older, a tad wiser (though that's strictly from outside influence) and I've been in a very very strong relationship for over 2 years. Without sex. She chose to wait until marriage for her own reasons, and not only to I respect her more for it, I praise it, It takes SO MUCH willpower to be in a good relationship and not have sex that it's just amazing to see someone with thank kind of strength of character And though I do think sex is perfectly normal, healthy and just gosh darn fun, I really don't think that being in a sex-less relationship makes it any less meaningful, and in more than 1 way it brings us closer. So to sum it up, sex good but should have waited, guys talk about differently trimmed cats in locker rooms, relationship still good even without boinking. I think it's really cool that you respect your partner's wishes of waiting. I've seen several relationships where one partner had been more sexually active than the other and when abstinence was brought up they hightailed it out of there. Sex is different for every person. Some will want to wait, some will want to max out their V-card as fast as they can. Some see it as an act of love, while others see it as purely recreational. I don't think anyone is really right or wrong about it either. Sex is such a personal thing that it has to be your decision whether it's right or wrong. The "pressure" people have is simply the differing views. If you can learn to tune out all the chatter and just listen to what you want, you'll have a happy and "normal" sex life.
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TheIslander
Planet
From a Land Surrounded by Sea.
Posts: 403
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Post by TheIslander on Mar 16, 2010 18:54:57 GMT -5
I don't think the media pressures you into ANYTHING. Humans, as animals are curious - that's it. Sex is fun, get over it. I lost my virginity at a relatively young age, but before I lost it, I quite honestly didn't really think about it - it was just the age I started experimenting with girls and one fine day I did it. Honestly, I prefer not to answer such a question with some people, since most of my friends are still virgins and I have in fact been looked down upon for losing my virginity. But then again who cares, quite honestly those who look down on people due to virginity-related issues are just losers. The only thing that should matter to you is YOUR virginity, no one else's.
NB: for the people nagging about STD's, it's not sex which spreads STDs as such, it's stupidity.
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Post by brittanyandrea on Mar 19, 2010 23:25:52 GMT -5
In my opinion, there isn't too much pressure from outside sources except for the fact that once you hit a certain age, virgins are hard to find. There are a few people I know that because of this say, "I have to lose my virginity by 18" So I believe the pressure now, if it exists, is put on by yourself. Mind you this is for females. Males on the other hand...completely different story. My ex was a virgin, his friends constantly pressured him and joked about him being a virgin. They even came to me about it saying, "you've gotta fix this." I honestly felt bad for him, he was waiting for the right girl and none of his friends could understand that. He was honestly embarrassed about his virginity and even lied to me about it at first. Its all about sex for guys from like, 14 on, but this is because of pressures from friends. mind you, this is all just based on my opinion and what I have witnessed.
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Post by Jake on Mar 20, 2010 9:06:52 GMT -5
NB: for the people nagging about STD's, it's not sex which spreads STDs as such, it's stupidity. Phahaha! Now that's true, and funny!
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Post by llluminati on Mar 22, 2010 20:14:08 GMT -5
If you are really stupid enough to cave to pressure from the media, friends, etc. Having a child or STI, albeit quite serious is really the least of your worries. If peer pressure is enough to make you do stupid things; there's honestly nothing for you.
TBH, there's more quantity of more credible pressure to not have sex until you're ready. Are parents, TRUE friends and COMMON SENSE AND LOGIC worth less than the media?
You know, it would make for SUCH a better society if all celebrities committed suicide. Not only would our society care about actual important things, most of the people who would have sex because the media tells them to would kill themselves as well...
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Post by chelseeyuh on Mar 22, 2010 20:47:18 GMT -5
If you are really stupid enough to cave to pressure from the media, friends, etc. Having a child or STI, albeit quite serious is really the least of your worries. If peer pressure is enough to make you do stupid things; there's honestly nothing for you. TBH, there's more quantity of more credible pressure to not have sex until you're ready. Are parents, TRUE friends and COMMON SENSE AND LOGIC worth less than the media? You know, it would make for SUCH a better society if all celebrities committed suicide. Not only would our society care about actual important things, most of the people who would have sex because the media tells them to would kill themselves as well... While I agree that caving into pressure isn't good, I think this view is a bit extreme. Personally, I couldn't care less about what celebrities do, so I don't really feel the pressure from the media. But I think the pressure to fit in with your peers and the pressure from your partner can be a lot and some people cave. And right now you're probably thinking that I'm just saying that to defend my own actions. Well, I'm not. I am a virgin and I'm proud of it. But there have been times when I've felt the pressure and thought about caving to it. I would have regretted it and I'm glad I didn't, but I also understand why some people do.
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Post by llluminati on Mar 22, 2010 20:56:29 GMT -5
If you are really stupid enough to cave to pressure from the media, friends, etc. Having a child or STI, albeit quite serious is really the least of your worries. If peer pressure is enough to make you do stupid things; there's honestly nothing for you. TBH, there's more quantity of more credible pressure to not have sex until you're ready. Are parents, TRUE friends and COMMON SENSE AND LOGIC worth less than the media? You know, it would make for SUCH a better society if all celebrities committed suicide. Not only would our society care about actual important things, most of the people who would have sex because the media tells them to would kill themselves as well... While I agree that caving into pressure isn't good, I think this view is a bit extreme. Personally, I couldn't care less about what celebrities do, so I don't really feel the pressure from the media. But I think the pressure to fit in with your peers and the pressure from your partner can be a lot and some people cave. And right now you're probably thinking that I'm just saying that to defend my own actions. Well, I'm not. I am a virgin and I'm proud of it. But there have been times when I've felt the pressure and thought about caving to it. I would have regretted it and I'm glad I didn't, but I also understand why some people do. I wasn't serious about the last part; this issue lies in the media itself. I do however, vehemently think that the fault lies in those uninformed, illogical people who cave into pressure from the wrong sources. I suppose parenting is to blame as well, if the parents cared enough to ensure that their children didn't lose their virginity before they learned to long-divide, this wouldn't happen as well.
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Post by noobsensei on Mar 22, 2010 21:34:12 GMT -5
If you are really stupid enough to cave to pressure from the media, friends, etc. Having a child or STI, albeit quite serious is really the least of your worries. If peer pressure is enough to make you do stupid things; there's honestly nothing for you. TBH, there's more quantity of more credible pressure to not have sex until you're ready. Are parents, TRUE friends and COMMON SENSE AND LOGIC worth less than the media? You know, it would make for SUCH a better society if all celebrities committed suicide. Not only would our society care about actual important things, most of the people who would have sex because the media tells them to would kill themselves as well... I'm guessing that your abstinence stems from the fact that your obnoxious attitude repulses the opposite sex. Just sayin...
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Post by Natalie on Mar 22, 2010 23:27:09 GMT -5
Personally I believe in saving yourself for your future husband.
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Post by Dimstow on Mar 23, 2010 4:42:48 GMT -5
I'm guessing that your abstinence stems from the fact that your obnoxious attitude repulses the opposite sex. Just sayin... Cruel but hilarious, as always, Noob
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