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Post by Joey on Jul 19, 2010 19:43:55 GMT -5
Okay, so my girlfriend is a year ahead of me in school. We will hardly see eachother since we cant drive, and both of us are starting to get SHIRT about it even before school starts. It would be a very hard and difficult task to stay together. We both promised that if we felt that it wasn't going right, that we would tell the other right away. The thing is, you don't ever think that you'd be the one saying it.
I have had a really bad feeling about this from the beggining, and I think that I always knew it would be the thing that broke us up. The thing is, how do I tell her? She has been through so much boy drama it isn't funny. I don't want to hurt her, but I don't want to lead her on either.
Do I feel terrible for doing this? Yes Do I feel like it's the right thing? Yes Do I want to do this? Yes
I'll miss her, but how do I tell her? I am wanting you guys to help. You can scream at me for being immature or saying I am too young(I don't think I am but) I dint care. I just don't want to hurt her more than I have to.
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Post by Breepop on Jul 19, 2010 19:54:12 GMT -5
...
Be honest.
WHOA HONESTY WHO WOULDA EVER THUNK IT
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Post by Joey on Jul 19, 2010 20:12:10 GMT -5
... Be honest. WHOA HONESTY WHO WOULDA EVER THUNK IT No need to be mean. I come here for some advice, and WHOA! I GET SARCASM! Im not feeling the best right now, leave the teasing for later.
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Post by Breepop on Jul 19, 2010 20:17:50 GMT -5
I'm not trying to be mean, nor am I teasing you.
I gave you advice. I was serious. It may have been coupled with sarcasm, but it was good advice nonetheless.
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Post by NormanTheOne on Jul 19, 2010 20:25:16 GMT -5
In the end, honesty always benefits. Also, it really comes down to whether it is what you want, because if you want to maintain a relationship with her despite the distance, then do so, it will take determination, but at least you won't be asking yourself 'what if'. BUT if you do feel like you don't want to maintain a relationship, then be honest and tell her.
Either way you have to be prepared to what she says too.
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Post by Joey on Jul 19, 2010 20:26:30 GMT -5
I'm not trying to be mean, nor am I teasing you. I gave you advice. I was serious. It may have been coupled with sarcasm, but it was good advice nonetheless. I know, and usually I would just laugh it off, but my life is insane right now, and I dont feel like laughing. Ahem. I have vacation starting wensday, I am busy all tommorow. Once I get back I start two week band camp, then I have to deal with my brother going to college(new for me)then I have to get ready for high school, then I have high school, I still have friends I hang out with, and I have this on top of it all. I feel calm now, but I feel like a giant wave is going to come and eat me starting wensday. It is probably the worst feeling Ive ever had. I feel helpless. I cant swim, because no one has taught me, I have to learn how to myself. I feel anxious and twitchy. And I feel like this wave is coming too fast. FUCK TEENAGE LIFE FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!!!!!!!
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Post by cooltiger413 on Jul 19, 2010 21:01:24 GMT -5
You need this thread. But, as for the problem, first off, remember this one thing, all high school relationships are doomed to die anyway, it's simply a way for you to gain experience in this area, it's all a learning experience.
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Post by Benyamin on Jul 19, 2010 22:18:09 GMT -5
I'm not trying to be mean, nor am I teasing you. I gave you advice. I was serious. It may have been coupled with sarcasm, but it was good advice nonetheless. I know, and usually I would just laugh it off, but my life is insane right now, and I dont feel like laughing. Ahem. I have vacation starting wensday, I am busy all tommorow. Once I get back I start two week band camp, then I have to deal with my brother going to college(new for me)then I have to get ready for high school, then I have high school, I still have friends I hang out with, and I have this on top of it all. I feel calm now, but I feel like a giant wave is going to come and eat me starting wensday. It is probably the worst feeling Ive ever had. I feel helpless. I cant swim, because no one has taught me, I have to learn how to myself. I feel anxious and twitchy. And I feel like this wave is coming too fast. FUCK TEENAGE LIFE FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!!!!!!! No it's more like "FUCK TEENAGE HORMONES FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!!!!!!!" Oh, and my brother's moving away too, if there's any consolation in knowing you're not alone.
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Post by Joey on Jul 19, 2010 22:22:24 GMT -5
Why do I always feel better when I come on here? thanks guys
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Post by Benyamin on Jul 19, 2010 22:28:18 GMT -5
if you count me in "guys" (I'm assuming it's a general term) then you're quite welcome.
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Yokailo
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Posts: 734
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Post by Yokailo on Jul 20, 2010 1:28:52 GMT -5
I will be having the same problem next year.
If you're sure you don't want to try, tell her that she should have a clean, new start wherever she's going. If you're not sure you want to break up, and you just think it's going to be hard, have a good talk about what to do and when you could possibly meet each other. There's a lot more planning involved when someone lives far away, but it's not impossible.
Oh, and come ask for a hug on here every now and then. ^^
EDIT: Oh, I thought she was actually changing schools? If she isn't, breaks (in between lessons, you know?) are always the best option. And trying to communicate about things you do after school - band repetitions and such - to try to make sure there's at least one afternoon when both of you are free. ^^
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Post by lolsall on Jul 20, 2010 1:42:48 GMT -5
You need this thread. But, as for the problem, first off, remember this one thing, all high school relationships are doomed to die anyway, it's simply a way for you to gain experience in this area, it's all a learning experience. OK....i got a problem with that right there. Its just not true. Its a prooven fact that 70% of peaple marry there 7th to 12th grade love. So no not all high school relationships are doomed. They only are doomed if one of you isnt mature enough to handle staying with one person, Or you dont want to stay with one person just yet. Either way what u said isnt true. Anywhoo....bak to the thread reasoning the best thing to do is think twice about it first.....then if you still feel you should end it/stay tell her. Nothing is better then honesty to yourself and others as well
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Post by Breepop on Jul 20, 2010 2:05:05 GMT -5
OK....i got a problem with that right there. Its just not true. Its a prooven fact that 70% of peaple marry there 7th to 12th grade love. So no not all high school relationships are doomed. Also, 50% of all marriages end in divorce. Then... I wonder what percentage of the 50% left after that stay in an unhappy marriage because of children, finances/benefits, or just simply because they're frightened of being alone? Also, I'm pretttttttty sure your statistic there is bullshit. No offense. I've always heard the opposite: very, very, very few people marry their "high school sweethearts"... especially in this day and age. Perhaps I would have believed that statistic 50 years ago. Women were encouraged to get married much earlier on, and rarely had a career goal in mind. They needed to find a man to support them, so they married the cute football star from high school. Not the case at all today. Women move on and go to college, leaving "high school sweethearts" behind much more often. If you could please provide a source to that statistic, that'd be great. Otherwise, I'm going to continue to believe what I've been taught my entire life (by society and by experience): high school relationships are utter failures. k.
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Post by Rogers91 on Jul 20, 2010 2:23:28 GMT -5
OK....i got a problem with that right there. Its just not true. Its a prooven fact that 70% of peaple marry there 7th to 12th grade love. So no not all high school relationships are doomed. 93% of statistics are fictitious and misleading. (even if thats true whats there divorce rate.) if you feel its over then its over. your still in high school and young. there are plenty of women out there and don't think that you need to marry right out of high school. it actually leads to divorce in many cases. if you want it to work out then well you can make it work. in the end its up to you. just one thing make sure that when you break it off that she understands its over and so do you... neither of you should have any impression that the relationship can be saved. so what is the situation anyway. you said your preparing for high school but uhh she's a year ahead of you... it isn't adding up in my head. if your only 14 then your just starting high school and she is moving up a year which makes me wonder was this just a summer thing that was recent or uhh.. i don't get it. and if so then how did you date over the summer anyway. did she move or something? I'm sorry i mighty be over analyzing this a bit but your statements don't tell us why it would be so hard to stay together.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 20, 2010 3:03:56 GMT -5
OK....i got a problem with that right there. Its just not true. Its a prooven fact that 70% of peaple marry there 7th to 12th grade love. So no not all high school relationships are doomed. Also, 50% of all marriages end in divorce. Then... I wonder what percentage of the 50% left after that stay in an unhappy marriage because of children, finances/benefits, or just simply because they're frightened of being alone? Also, I'm pretttttttty sure your statistic there is bullshit. No offense. I've always heard the opposite: very, very, very few people marry their "high school sweethearts"... especially in this day and age. Perhaps I would have believed that statistic 50 years ago. Women were encouraged to get married much earlier on, and rarely had a career goal in mind. They needed to find a man to support them, so they married the cute football star from high school. Not the case at all today. Women move on and go to college, leaving "high school sweethearts" behind much more often. If you could please provide a source to that statistic, that'd be great. Otherwise, I'm going to continue to believe what I've been taught my entire life (by society and by experience): high school relationships are utter failures. k. Yep, not to mention the "prooven fact" that High School is the time where most people go through MAJOR emotional and mental changes. You may find that you really like someone when you're 14-15, but by the 1 year anniversary, if they even make it that long, many people find that they've changed as a person and that this relationship isn't what it used to be. In fact, I can name two occasions: 1. My first (and only) relationship lasted from the beginning of 8th grade until the end of 9th grade. Not only did I find that my cultural ideas had changed (I used to be a heavy-metal guy. Now I'm a nerdfighter with an affinity for acoustic ballads and jazz) but my political and social views had changed (Atheist turned Christian, heavy liberal turned center-right.) 2. My cousin (who is now 23) met a guy that she really liked in 9th grade. He was in 11th grade at the time. When he got out, she decided she would drop out to be with him. They planned to get married two years ago, but they broke up last year because of differences. Now, she has to go and get her GED because she thought that this guy would really be the one for her, and would be able to support her. Source: Pure experience, not only with my own relationship, but also with many friends in the same situation. On-Topic: I'm not going to say break up with her. That would be stupid of me. The best thing you can do is go with what you feel is right. For me, I thought that breaking up would be the best for me and my girlfriend. But that's only my personal experience.
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Post by shadow6000 on Jul 20, 2010 3:49:22 GMT -5
I say if you don't feel it, leave it behind. She'll look back on it thankfully, if it wasn't really there. And if it was, some relationships have a second chance. No worries.
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Post by Johncoyne on Jul 20, 2010 10:40:35 GMT -5
If you're really in a good relationship, then you should be able to talk to her about it. Maybe she's thinking the same thing right now.
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Post by Rogers91 on Jul 20, 2010 11:23:47 GMT -5
omg me and bree agreed on something. even though it was more an off topic tangent of the actual post. seriously i have not known one couple from school time to stay together with out divorce or hate or a child. children don't even hold people together as well as they used too. which makes me think that this generation is even less responsible than my own which was and is extremely irresponsible.
now if you want examples i have plenty. my best friend who lived with me right after high school. she was dating some high school guy got pregnant married and finally left my place after only one month of school being out. then the guy of her dreams showed a side no one knew about. the abusive drunk. so in less than three weeks she left him and started the divorce process. she lived with me until last month which was a long time. now she is off with Some other random dude. Note: never live with your best friend. it ruins your relationship and makes you hate each other.
another two friends of mine where dating one was in to cars and knew exactly what he wanted to do. the other was still in a high school state of mind and didn't care. they didn't last long and now they hate each other so much that last month she egged his house and he had her put in jail.
there is one person i know who was truly way more mature than anyone i have ever known and she is still in high school and dating her boyfriend/fiancé from high school and i could see them lasting but its cause of the maturity level. they still might not though its too early to tell.
i have other examples but i think three is a good # for now. i write too much
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Post by zAkAtAk on Jul 20, 2010 13:05:09 GMT -5
find new girl
put in new vagina
make another awesome face
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Post by Joey on Jul 20, 2010 13:54:27 GMT -5
Yes. The reason it would be difficult for me is because of different grades. There are seperate dances for each, and we are in opposite sides of the school, and with two minutes, it's impossible to see her. We aren't in the same activities. And it's kindof taboo at our school. Her friends don't like me very much because I'm younger. I feel really weird around them. Also, she basically refuses to hang out with my friends because it's super akward. I feel like both of us knew it wasn't going to last long, I just never thought I'd be the one to say it.
Side note: my aunt and uncle met in 9th grade. They've been married twenty nine years and still love eachother very much. I've never seen them get angry at eachother.
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